Freakification
Freakification is the process by which the Freak converts humans into freaks. As the Freak is devoid of humanity, this is the means by which it reproduces. History 3100 B.C. to 1992 A.D. While it was previously believed that freakification began with the creation of the Freak, new archaeological evidence has shown freakification to have occurred since the time of the ancient Egyptians. Across all inhabited continents, there have been anthropological discoveries related to the evolution of freakification over the course of human history. Ancient Egypt Hieroglyphs dated throughout much of the known history of ancient Egyptian civilization had often been noted to depict what appeared to be humanoid figures with dog-shaped heads. For centuries, these images baffled anthropologists. However, in 2017 a breakthrough was made. Historians working at the WikiFreaks Institute examined pictures of Andrew Oliver, which they then compared to the canine-human hybrids depicted in hieroglyphs. They noted that the enlarged nose characteristic of the Freak bared distinct similarities to the elongated faces of the Egyptian hybrids. From this, the WikiFreaks experts theorized that these hieroglyphs depicted the earliest known instances of freakification. Previously, it had been thought that freakification was a process exclusive to the known abilities of the Freak, but this new discovery showed that freakification actually exists independent of the Freak. It was this realization that led to the contemporary theory that freakification played a hand in the freak accidents that created the Freak. Ancient Greece Throughout ancient Greek history, various statues were erected depicting unusual humanoid figures. These statues included a multitude of arm-less humanoids, and other figures such as naked humans throwing Frisbees. For centuries, historians of ancient Greece were baffled (you'll notice a pattern here, scholars of antiquity are very confused people). However, the discovery of freakification in ancient Egypt soon led historians to believe that the previously unexplained statues were actually depictions of failed freakification; while the humanoids depicted in these statues did not have the characteristic proboscis of freakification observed in the Egyptian hybrids, they were observed to be exhibiting inhuman behavior, such as throwing Frisbees naked or not having arms. It is now believed that fully freakified humans were driven out to prevent them from converting any more humans, and the attempts at failed freakification were preserved as statues in order to warn future civilizations of the dangers of freakification. that formed to drive out freakified beings. Previous historians erroneously believed them to be gods worshiped by the Greeks, when in reality they were the everyday heroes of mob justice.]] Mongol Empire Around 1220 A.D., a ruler by the name of Genghis Khan began a campaign to unite the nomadic tribes of Northeast Asia under the banner of the Mongol Empire. Genghis Khan's empire went on to conquer most of Eurasia, becoming the largest contiguous empire in human history. Scholars had been previously been confounded (you think at this point they would have learned) by Genghis Khan's motives and how he manged to unite the previously divided tribes. However, more recent historical examination of Genghis Khan's chief rival, Jamukha, revealed the key to understanding the formation of the Mongol Empire. While previous historical thought held that Jamukha's refusal to recognize the status of those outside the traditional Mongolian aristocracy was his motive for dismissing the lower classes that would later unite under Genghis Khan, it was actually his freakified status and desire to rid the world of the lower class that reminded him and the freakified aristocrats of their inhumanity that drove him. Genghis Khan recognized this, and soon began a campaign to unite the humans against the freakified oligarchs. After some initial success, the Mongol Empire went on to purge much of the freakification that had arisen throughout Eurasia, saving much of humanity from potential calamity. It is now believed that freakified historians covered up Genghis Khan's true motives, portraying him as a brutal and ruthless tyrant, so that future generations would remain unaware of the attempted freakification of Eurasia. Now that the truth has been uncovered, time may begin to remember Genghis Khan as one of the true saviors of humanity. Medieval Europe While the Mongol Empire had great success in purging much of freakification from Eurasia, it had also created the route for one of the greatest freakification events in human history: the Silk Road. Beginning in the 1300s, vast groups of people began to become infected with an unknown disease, which would later come to be known as the Black Death. Scholars had previously believed that this disease was transmitted to humans via fleas that preyed on infected rodents; this was later proven to be patently false, as later scientific studies would show that feasting on rodents is one of the behaviors exhibited by freakified subjects when placed in isolation. It is now believed that freakified tribes which had been isolated by the Mongol Empire's conquests had begun eating rodents infected with plague bacteria. The combination of plague bacteria with freakification culminated in a lethal disease, which contemporary scholars now label the Freakonic Plague. While initial outbursts were contained within isolated freakified tribes, European merchants travelling along the Silk Road began to wander off and become infected by bites from freakified tribe members. With time, increased numbers of infected merchants made their way back to western Europe, and soon much of the European population became infected with the Freakonic Plague. Within a century, between 30-60% of the European population had succumbed to the disease (accurate death tolls were hard to calculate, as some subjects did not die directly from the disease, but rather became freakified to the point where their inhumanity made them virtually indistinguishable from the dead). After countless deaths and freakifications, Europeans began to quarantine the freakified, letting the infertile freaks die off and bringing the plague to a halt. Unfortunately, future freakified historians would again cover up the true nature of the disease, and the plague of freakification was never truly eradicated. Pre-Colonial Americas While much is known about freakification in the eastern hemisphere, there has been little recorded evidence of freakification in the ancient Americas. However, recent evidence has emerged indicating that freakification occurred in the Aztec and Mayan societies. Human sacrifices had long been accepted history among Mesoamerican scholars, and it had previously been believed that sacrifices were offered by these cultures in order to appease the gods; this is now known to be false (seriously, the scholars are never right about anything). Contemporary examinations of sacrifice victims have led scientists to conclude that those who where sacrificed were not humans, but rather subjects of freakification. The Mesoamericans had been trying to purge the freaks from their ranks. Unfortunately, some of these freakified corpses were cannibalized, as freakification was poorly understood by these peoples, so eradication of freakification never occurred. Nazi Germany After the Freakonic Plague had subsided, freakification remained dormant in western Europe for several centuries. However, during the 1930s, a man named Adolf Hitler rose to power in Germany. His party, the Nazis, believed in the superiority of what they termed the Aryan race, and soon began a campaign to conquer Europe and purge those they deemed inferior. While contemporary Nazis believe that Hitler's goal was to eradicate the freaks from society, this is patently false; Hitler had been freakified in the 1920s, and he was actually attempting to eliminate the elements of humanity that were unfreakafiable from the world while freakifying the remainder of the population. Unlike Genghis Khan's righteous conquest of Eurasia, Hitler's campaign was led by freaks and was thus unsustainable. While the Nazis remain one of the most successful freak-laden campaigns in history, they fell prey to two major weaknesses: the humanity of the Allied Powers and the Russian winter (the only known freak in history to survive a Russian winter was Grigori Rasputin). The Nazi campaign was ultimately defeated in the 1940s. However, contrary to popular belief, the seeds of freakification remained present long after the war. Modern Era (1992-present) While freakification had been witnessed throughout the course of human history, it had only arisen in subjects that were previously human. In the year 1992, that changed. A series of freak accidents resulted in a being borne of pure freakology; scholars debate to this day the exact processes that resulted in its creation, but the only consensus that has been reached is that it was not borne of a human. This entity soon came to be known as the Freak. Humanity had collectively forgotten about the history of freakification, and the Freak was able to use this to its advantage. Despite its complete lack of human qualities, the Freak was able to freakify enough humans around it to convince enough of society that it was human; these unfortunate victims of freakification began to tell others of a human named Andrew Oliver, and that he was like, "a pretty cool dude." However, outside observers would note that the group of people surrounding the Freak had started exhibiting unusual behavior, such as being friends with a person named "Andrew." It is unknown to this day exactly how many people have been directly freakified by the Freak, but scientists have identified the greater Tri-Cities area of Illinois to be geographic center of the outbreak. If not contained in the near future, it is believed that a severe freakification epidemic could envelop the Chicagoland area by the year 2020, according to the most recent CDC estimates. Signs & Symptoms Physical Humans exposed to freakification often begin displaying an uncoordinated gait, as if they were a tall, slender, nonathletic male in his twenties. Changes in vocal timbre and speech pattern are often noted by outside observers. While these symptoms are present in most victims of freakification, they may be exacerbated by direct exposure to the Freak. Prolonged exposure will result in the victim's nose being transformed into the characteristic proboscis of the Freak; fortunately this change tends to take years to develop, and may be reversed if caught at an early stage. In rare cases, it is believed that loss of limbs can occur, but this is apocryphal, and may have only happened in victims infected by older strains of freakification. Psychological Exposure to freakification will result in victims losing their overall sense of humanity. This may manifest itself as a distaste for others and humankind in general, and, in severe cases, may result in a sense of contempt for human society. Direct exposure to the Freak will result in vicitms becoming confused and making odd statements, such as "Soundgarden is the best band of all time" (while they were a very good band, no rational human would make such a statement). Long-term exposure to the Freak has been shown to make vicitms mentally confused about colors, akin to the Freak's own "colorblindness"; while the Freak is known to claim to be biologically colorblind, scientists have determined its inability to differentiate between colors to actually be purely psychological, classifying this condition as "color-stupid." Causes Typical Infection Mainstream strains of freakification are acquired via being within close proximity to a freak. It is believed that the disease is transmitted aurally, passing from an infected host's vocal chords into the ear canal of the victim. From here, it is believed that the freakification strain makes its way to the victim's prefrontal cortex, where it embeds itself and begins altering the victim's personality and executive functions. Over time, it may infect other areas of the brain as well, including the motor cortex. Eventually, frontal swelling in the brain will become so profound that it will push the victim's nasal cavities outward, resulting in the characteristic freakified proboscis. Freakonic Plague In some cases, freakification strains have been known to combine with the coccobacillus Yersinia pestis, culminating in a a new strain Oliverinia andrewsis. While rare in modern times, it is this strain that is believed to have caused the Black Death in medieval Europe. Whereas normal freakification strains are transmitted aurally, Oliverinia andrewsis is transmitted directly into the bloodstream from the bite of an infected victim. From here, it proceeds to infect the brain with an accelerated form of freakification and the rest of the body with bubonic plague. Diagnosis Physicians may make the diagnosis of freakification with the development of two or more psychological symptoms or at least one physical indicator. Further scans may be performed to monitor activity in the prefrontal cortex and to determine the stage of infection. At stage 1, the victim will typically present only mild Freak-ish behavior (confusion, religious Soundgarden worship) and will have slightly altered functionality in the prefrontal cortex. At stage 2. the victim's prefrontal cortex is entirely infected, along with some of the motor cortex, and the victim will have begun to exhibit physical symptoms, such as speech and gait changes. Stage 3 victims exhibit all of the aforementioned symptoms, and their noses begin to push outward. A diagnosis of stage 4 freakification (often referred to as "full freakification") is made when either the victim's proboscis is fully formed or the victim exhibits color-stupidity. Treatment Stage 1 Stage 1 patients typically don't require medical intervention, as the infection is weak enough for the immune system to fight off on its own. At this stage, doctors usually just suggest bed rest and avoiding all things related to Andrew Oliver in order to accelerate the healing process. Stage 2 The disease is still fairly weak in stage 2 patients, so intensive medical intervention is still typically unnecessary. Physical therapy may be required to fix changes in gait and speech patterns. Psychological treatment is often utilized to improve cognitive dysfunction stemming from the disease; this therapy may include listening to bands other than Soundgarden and talking about why they are better, and describing why Andrew Oliver is a bonerface. Stage 3 At stage 3, the disease has become too strong for the immune system to fight off on its own, so immediate medical intervention is required. Patients at this stage may be treated with either radiation therapy or (crude) neurosurgery targeting the infection in brain. Plastic surgery may be required to fix the hideous nasal transformation that occurs during this stage (this is done by hitting the nose with a comically over-sized mallet in a process known as Gallagherization). Stage 4 A patient at stage 4 is said to have reached full freakification, and is thus considered beyond the scope of modern medicine. Physicians are required by law to mandate that stage 4 patients be placed into quarantine. However, this quarantine is seldom enforced, and many patients escape back into society to infect others. Prognosis The prognosis for freakification patients varies greatly based on the stage they were in during treatment onset. Stage 1 Stage 1 patients have very good prospects for recovery, with a 96% chance of fully returning to normal functionality. 3% exhibit minor dysfunction upon recovery. Stage 2 Stage 2 patients have a 73% chance at achieving full recovery. 17% will have some minor cognitive dysfunction, though typically not life-altering. Stage 3 Stage 3 patients have a drastically reduced chance of full recovery, with only 37% making a full return to normalcy. 46% will be permanently disabled. Stage 4 Patients who reach stage 4 have no hope for recovery. They tend to have normal lifespans (if you can call what they are "living"), but they are severely cognitively and physically disabled. Leading experts in medical ethics have been debating whether or not to just euthanize patients at this stage in hydrofluoric acid baths, but no consensus has been reached. Category:Freakology